Back that ass up - part 2

The thing with getting a C-section is that once you decide to have one, you're still in labor.  Mentally, I had decided that a C-section was what I needed, so though I had made it through 10 hours of labor without any drugs (did I mention that 5 of those hours were pushing?!) and was doing great, the moment I accepted the C-section, I lost the battle over the pain.  All of a sudden, the 40 minutes between my decision and the moment my drugs were shot into my spine were the longest minutes of the entire process. 

A C-section is a C-section, and mine was totally routine, but I do have a few fun highlights to share, that ironically, in the end, proved that my bones were right, and was the right decision for me and Bubs.

Remember that we didn't know if Buddy was a boy or a girl.  My doctor shared this with the rest of the surgical staff so that hubby could announce the big news.  Or so was the plan.  Buddy ended up being quite large - so large that when I was cut open, my doc's reaction was: "Holy shit, this is a big boy!  There's nothing but baby in there!"  Hubby and I weren't sure if doc was using "boy" as a general term or if he actually saw Buddy's schlong.  And I guess we'll never know since Buddy is boy with a schlong.  And he was big.  9 pounds 2 ounces big.  He was also sunnyside up, so my instinct that he wasn't coming out of my vagine* was true.  My first successful case of a mother's instinct = victory!

*Author's note: I did not misspell vagina.  Vagine, a word I say often, is pronounced va-HEEN.

Since Buddy was stuck in my birth canal for 5 hours and was so big (did I mention he was 9lbs 2oz?) doc had to use the vacuum on him to get him out.  Twice.  This gave him quite the conehead.  Here is an actual photo of Buddy, just a few seconds after he was born:

I was surprised by the teeth, but not the glasses. Hubby and I both have poor vision

Of course, C-section birth is a vastly different experience than vaginal birth.  I imagine that a natural vag birth comes with a sort of awesome relief, like when you're racing home as fast as you can because you ate something not quite right and the diarrhea stomach drop has already taken place and you're not sure you're going to make it home so you're thinking of things to tell the police officer in case you get pulled over and shit your pants but then you DO make it home and it's awesome. 

I'm never eating there again

I felt very disconnected with my C-section because of the drugs and no pushing and I couldn't see a damn thing (which is probably good) but also because I was super duper barfing all over the place.  It was AWFUL!  I was barfing throughout labor and delivery - probably a total of 17 times.  Yah, that's a lotta barf:

I would never show you a picture of my barf, but it was about thiiiiiiiis muchSo when Buddy got all wrapped up and hubby brought him over to my head for the first glimpse of my brand new baby who I'd been waiting 41 weeks to meet, I was a little, well... distracted.  Which is an awful, awful thing to feel and write about publicly, but I promise the truth, so there it is.  I was just so, so sick.  Barf after barf after barf.  The anesthesiologist had to use one of those dentist-saliva-suckers to get it out of my mouth because - think about it - I'm still having surgery!!!  Imagine barfing 5 times while lying on your back, unable to move or sit up. I could barely even tilt my head to the side.  It sucked so super bad.

But there was something amazing that came out this.  As I was in barf land, my incredible husband got to welcome his son into the world.  For the first 25 minutes of Buddy's life, he was with his dad.  And his dad was singing to his beautiful boy.  It was so amazing and so profound I think it was meant to be.

So there's your labor story, Bubs.  Welcome to the world.

Comments

[Naomi Coe]

This is like reading about my birthing experience. I was do sure that I was gonna give birth naturally but Joshua had other plans for me that day. Thank you for sharing.