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Cottage extravanganza

How naive I am.  It's embarrassing, really.  Chalk it up to "I'm a first time mommy" aka "Life is a Norman Rockwell painting" but DUH! 

Every summer, I take a week off of work and go to my most favorite place on earth:

Hello gorgeous!This bit of heaven is called The Cottage and it's been in my family for a long time.  It is awesome. 

As you know from my past posts, 2012 was a big year for me and my girls.  Three of us had babies:

* Mama 1, Ezra, had her sweet boy, LTrain in January

* Mama 2, Bug, had her sweet girl, Little Lentil in July (Ps. Happy Birthday, Little Lentil!)

* I had Bubs in October

Bug and Little Lentil live in Atlanta so we don't get to see them as often as we'd like.  Well this trip, they were going to be in Wisco and were coming up to the cottage!  Life is fucking awesome! 

Unfortunately, I think I'm Dorothy. RIP Bea ArthurSo here's the plan: 5 ladies (3 moms + 2 aunties) + 3 babies x 0 dads = plenty of coverage, allowing for a fun, relaxing vacay where the babies get to bond, the mamas and aunties can drink and laugh and read Baby-Sitters Club books aloud to each other.  Right?

I was an English major"Obviously not, you stupid moron!" says anyone with a child over 1 year, parent of more than 1 baby, or just a smart person.

Like, duh!Babies have needs that only their parents can meet.  Bubs has GREAT aunties whom he loves very much, but they don't have tits.  Well, yes they do (mega hot ones, girls!) just the wrong kind.  He wants my saggy, stretched out, filled with milk, teats.  And wants me to change him and me to dress him and me to cut up his beets and me to hold him and ME to kiss him and ME to nap him and ME to get him up and ME to do EVERYTHING. ME ME ME ME ME.

Ugh!  And for a bonus, my bubs decided that he was so over sleeping that he was up most of the night, each night.  In other words, he was being a total dick. 

MwuahahahahaAnd that's just 1 out of 3 babies.  Though LTrain and Lentil were not being dicks.  I would NEVER call my babes dicks - just my own son.  Mom of the year!  But hey, I didn't say he WAS a dick, I said he was BEING a dick.  Totally different.

Did I have fun?  Fuck yeah, it was a blast.  I had my girls, my babes, and my cottage.  Was it anything even remotely close to a vacation?  Fuck no, it was a ton of work.  Did we read BSC?  Only 4 chapters.  I'm dying to know what happens to Stacey and Mary Anne on their travels to the Jersey Shore with all those damn Pike kids!

Will I do it again?  Abso-fucking-lutely.


Love you girls!

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Reader Comments (1)

This was a hilarious read, and not cuz we are enjoying any kind if Schadenfreude! Good words of caution for these first-time parents of a five-week old who are similarly dreaming about fun trips with family and friends.
July 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

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