If you had a beard, I'd pull it
This is what I've been saying to hubby lately since he is majorly pissing me off. I feel it's an ok mean thing to say since he doesn't have a beard, so it doesn't constitute as violent or abusive. But man I wish he'd grow one for a day, just so I could give it a real good yank.
Why is your hubby pissing you off, Katie? Great I question, thanks for asking. He = a bah humbug these days. I guess it's one way of getting in the Christmas spirit, but I ain't feeling it. Here's an outline of his bahs and his humbugs:
I. Christmas tree delay
A. He "needed a break between Thanksgiving and Christmas" so we had to wait until 2 weeks after T-day to get it - which then didn't happen for a perfectly good reason (see The Rebuttal if you must know), so it was't until THREE weeks after Tday that we got it. Do the math people, that means it was a week before Christmas. Mega lame.
B. He was NOT in the mood to get it when we finally did, plus it was mega raining so it sucked
C. They were out of wreaths since we waited so damn long
D. He said we couldn't get these mega awesome battery operated self-on-and-offing fake candles cuz they were $8 a piece
E. About 20 minutes after he bah humbugged my $8 candles, he told me that he had spent $250 to record a demo CD. Say what? Say what the fuck? What the fuck, dude. What. The. Fuck.
II. Old codger
A. For some reason, he felt the need to complain about the bajillions of Xmas parties my family has. Normal, yes, but he actually loves them cuz they're super fun. So what the hell, man?
III. He hates beach vacations
A. Who hates beach vacations?! When my dad retired, he decided that he wanted to spend his hard earned cash on his family which = an all expense paid trip to the Caribbean for all of us. I know, don't you hate me? My husband does not share in the excitment and amazement of this fabulous trip. He hates sitting on the beach, in the warm Caribbean sun, listening to the ocean, drinking fun umbrella drinks, and taking naps. He gets ants in his pants and needs "something to do." It's called doing nothing, man, and it's fucking awesome.
IV. Then he got me an Ipad for Christmas so I shut the fuck up. Love you honey!
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