Excuse me while I punch you

No, not my husband this time (we're on a lovin' spree this week.  yay!).  I want to punch these random people who said the following things to me this week:

Stranger: "I hope you're pregnant." <smirk>

Me: <in my head> "You hope I'm pregnant?! What and not just fat?  Because then what?  You'd lose your lunch?  Well, biatch, I hope you're just fat and not pregnant. 

Victim: "Are you pregnant?"

Me: "Yes"

V: "Oh.  I thought you might have just been really full."

Me:

Coworker: "You're getting so big!"

Me: "Yeah, thanks!  I'm really lucky that it's only in my belly so far... knock on wood!"

Coworker: "Well, and your face."

Me:

 

Different coworker: "I haven't seen you since the big news!  Congrats!"

Me: "Thanks!  We're really excited."

Coworker: "You know, I knew before you told anyone.  I could tell you'd gained weight last time I saw you." <smile>

Me: "But I was only 4 weeks pregnant the last time you saw me...."

Coworker: <same smile>

Me:

I'm actually not a violent person at all.  And even if I was, at 5 foot 5 (in heels) I'm not very threatnening.  But if I was.... oh boy, you better watch out!!!